IT’S DISGUSTING! IT’S A DISASTER! IT’S THE AUSTIN CHRONICLE’S ANNUAL HALLOWEEN MASK FEATURING THE DREADED TRUMPKIN!
AUSTIN, TX – This year, in what can be seen as an obvious, yet well-deserving choice, presidential nominee and national nightmare Donald Trump lands on the Austin Chronicle’s annual Halloween mask cover as the dreaded TRUMPKIN. Trump joins the ranks with recent dis-honorees Dan Patrick, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry.
From Austin Chronicle News Editor Chase Hoffberger: “Make no mistake: the city of Austin specifically and the United States of America more generally has never seen an individual quite so scary as Donald Trump. In every way, he is the embodiment of modern evil and a figure whose likeness is so horrifying – so prevalent in our darkest nightmares – that to consider any other public figure would be an insult to the word “frightening.” We can only hope that come Nov. 8, society as a whole will never need to see his dumb, orange face again. But we hope for the next few days that you’ll enjoy this work of art from legendary gross-ifier Roy Tompkins, which should scare your neighbors out of their shoes.” Roy’s first Halloween mask for the Chronicle was “¡Chupacabra Máscara!” back in 1996, and he’s been providing fantastically freaky art for the “News of the Weird” for years (along with countless Austin posters, album covers, etc.). We couldn’t have picked a better artist to capture the repulsive muck that spews out of Trump’s mouth on a daily basis.
As is tradition, the cover is accompanied by assembly instructions:
How to Assemble Your Trumpkin Mask
Scene: Trump Tower, nightfall, the Republican nominee for president’s Midtown Manhattan corner office. A tired and defeated Trump slouches into his plush red executive chair and checks the messages on his phone.
“Donald? It’s Paul Ryan. Look, I know things aren’t looking too bright right now, but at least it’s Halloween. Candy, right? Okay. Look, I know a lot of people won’t want you at their house trick-or-treating … or campaigning … or at all … but you’ll be more welcome in this mask.
Now, I know you wanted to dress like Pepe the Frog. Pepe isn’t cool, okay? And I don’t care what David Duke told you: That’s not a ghost hood he sent over. Leave that cloak at home.
OK, so here’s what you want to do.
1) Get someone to grab you a copy of the Chronicle. Maybe a contractor, so you don’t even have to pay them.
2) Pull off the front cover. You can rip up the rest; take out some of that anger about the biased media you’ve been bottling.
3) If you want to make the mask a little stronger, glue it to some cardboard. Just … don’t sniff around it. That’s a bad look for us, Donald. If you don’t have any cardboard, just use one of those FedEx envelopes you keep receiving from the courts.
4) Get some scissors. No, wait, don’t you get the scissors. Get one of your kids to get the scissors.
5) Now, Donny, let your kids cut around the mask. Tell them to be careful around the hairline: it’s huge. Make sure to cut out the eye holes, just like David Duke taught you.
6) Okay, we’re nearly done. Get some string and tie it around the back so it’ll stay propped on your head. Don’t worry, it won’t crush your hair. Let’s be honest, nothing can.
Now put the mask on. Keep that sucker on through November 8. And don’t forget, no matter how hideous it looks, it’s still putting a better face on your campaign than the one you brought yourself.
Past Halloween mask covers: austinchronicle.com/special/ha
Hey, go vote! Austin Chronicle endorsements: austinchronicle.com/news/2016-
To schedule an interview with Chronicle staff or request additional information, please contact Sarah K. Wolf: firstname.lastname@example.org