Escort Ads Were Clearly Attracting Too Many Old People
BOSTON, MA (May 2, 2006) – Signaling a break from the ever-aging alt-weekly universe, Boston’s Weekly Dig announced today that it will no longer be running escort ads.
“This was a decision based solely on our commitment to our target demographic, 18-34,” said President Jeff Lawrence, “who clearly have not had a hard time getting a date, and are therefore not using the escort services. It’s not to say that the escorts weren’t getting results, quite the contrary: however, the clientele they were attracting was clearly not our intended target reader, more prone to ingest Geritol than a Red Bull, you might say.”
Editor Joe Keohane added, “We have a young, vibrant readership that has shown itself to be perfectly capable of procuring its own tail. If they want a fully operational post-op who speaks Greek, I’m pretty sure they’ll find one on their own. That said, I’m going to miss the hilarious photos.”
Typically a major source of revenue for alternative newsweeklies, the Dig says that sort of thing generally only works when your readership includes a high percentage of dirty, lonely old people.
The Dig, which has been equally proficient at attracting display ads for local and national firms, has been bursting at the seams of late; the pages formally dedicated to adult will be given over to display as the paper’s revenue continues to enjoy triple digit growth.
Matt King, the current Senior Classifieds Executive, who was responsible for the escort ads, could not be reached for comment as he’s currently on vacation in Thailand. He will be repositioned within the retail department when he returns.
Asked about the change, Miso Honey, a 40-something Boston-based escort, replied, “Well, I’ll miss the revenue we garnered from placing advertisements in the Dig, but truthfully, I’m a pragmatist. I understand that sometimes market forces will compel a company to make bold changes like this. You have to meet the needs of your particular demographic. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go reposition my brand.”