Austin Chronicle Releases Annual Halloween Mask Featuring State Sen. Dan Patrick

AUSTIN, TX – This year, Texas Senator Dan Patrick joins the ranks of recent dis-honorees, including politicians Ted Cruz, Rick Perry, and Mitt Romney, to land on the Austin Chronicle’s annual Halloween mask cover. Austin artist Tim Doyle designed this year’s cover marvel (tip of the hat to Stan Lee and Jack Kirby). Doyle, the force behind the pop-culture screenprinting empire Nakatomi, Inc., has been named Best Visual Artist by Austin Chronicle readers for four years running in our annual Best of Austin poll.

From Austin Chronicle Senior News Editor Michael King: “The Chronicle’s Halloween covers provide an annual occasion for us to recognize particularly frightening phenomena, personalities, or political figures. State Sen. Dan Patrick, former shock jock and now shock politician, currently running for Lieutenant Governor, has based his entire career on terrifying Texas voters about one imaginary threat or another: immigrants, uppity women, ghost voters, whatever fantastical monster-under-the-bed he can use to promote his political advancement. Contrary to all these invented terrors, Patrick’s tenure in office represents a real monstrous threat to the life, liberty, and sanity of everyday Texans. Too bad we can’t say … ‘He’s only a movie’.”

As is tradition, the cover is accompanied by assembly instructions:

How to Assemble Your Dan Patrick Mask

Sometimes you just don’t feel like showing your face. You’ve changed your name, but it’s not enough. Maybe you’re trying to avoid that old landlord you owe $384,000 in unpaid rent. Maybe you’re in no mood to appreciate the irony that your book, titled The Second Most Important Book You Will Ever Read, can be bought for a penny on Amazon. Maybe you feel a little embarrassed by your tweet “MARRIAGE=ONE MAN & ONE MAN,” since you’re known for your strong anti-gay stance. Lucky for you, it’s Halloween, the one time of year it’s acceptable to hide behind a mask.

1) Grab the latest issue of that liberal, blasphemous, left-wing rag, The Austin Chronicle. But make sure no pesky migrants got their hands on it first, because as you’re well aware, they carry “invisible diseases.”

2) Next, find a pair of scissors. If you can’t locate one, simply dial up your direct line to ol’ G-O-D and ask him to do you a solid. Having doubts about your power of persuasion? Remember, you’re a right-wing radio personality – propaganda is your forte!

3) Then, cut along the face to distinctly separate the mask from the cover – remember, this isn’t like church and state, so go crazy!

4) Cut out the eyes so no one has to see women making autonomous decisions about their bodies. Unfortunately, you haven’t managed to end abortion altogether just yet.

5) Go ahead and cover the ears as well – you wouldn’t want to be caught listening to a fact or belief you don’t agree with.

6) With your mask firmly in place, you’re free to go forth and shout your opinions freely, without care or concern for what anyone else thinks!

See past Halloween mask covers here.